Vampira
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Bar jokesA guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
Bartender, two beers please. One for me, and one for the road."
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An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here
often?
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A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel fastened to his fly.
The bartender points and says, "Hey! You have a steering wheel stuck
on your fly!" And the pirate says: "Arrrgh. And it's driving me
nuts!"
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A dyslexic walks into a bra.
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A guy walks into a bar wearing nothing but a set of jump leads. He
says, "Bartender, give me a beer." The bartender says, "You can a
beer, but I don't want you starting anything!"
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A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender
asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water
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"What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or
driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says the man. "That's the
quickest way," says the barman.
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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and
one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until
the giraffe passes out
on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The
bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the
floor, are you?"
The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe
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A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender
says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed!
Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the
sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender is
embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day,
the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was
blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the
bar and sits down. The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs
allowed! You'll have to
leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm
blind, and
this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do
they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They
gave me a Chihuahua?"
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A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and
swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what
are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just
looking around."
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